Category Archives: Parenting

College Life: Holy Cow, It’s Not the 80s Anymore!

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It’s been 28 years since I graduated from college and I’m a little out of the college-life loop, to say the least. I’ve ventured into the depths of our local FAU campus only a few times in the past couple of years, and only to help my oldest son find his way around prior to the start of his very first semester so that he could “walk” his new schedule and learn his class locations. FAUMy boys are in an early college program at FAU High School and, starting with 10th grade, all classes are taken at the university. So, with an 11th-grader who is now confident and comfortable skateboarding his way around the university campus like any other college kid, and with a 9th-grader who is still under the watchful eye of his teachers and guidance counselors in the very hip 9th-grade building on the very edge of campus, I’ve only really mastered the perimeters of the university campus and the car line at the high school building.

santaSo, last Wednesday, when I was on a mission for Santa to go to the campus bookstore to purchase FAU hoodies and stocking stuffers, I had to do some preliminary online research to find my way. I figured out that the campus bookstore was in the “Breezeway”. I kind of knew where the Breezeway was, somewhere near the library, and I sort of knew where the library was.

I left home an hour early on Wednesday so that I could stop by the bookstore and browse for Santa before I retrieved my ninth-grader from the high school car line. So I go to what I thought would be a proximate parking lot only to discover that I needed a blue permit to park there. Hmmmm. I drove around in large circles till I encountered a student walking by and she was nice enough to tell me where I could park at a pay meter. She pointed out the way and off I went, found a spot, paid the meter, and started walking.

I was walking along concrete paths amid the manicured grassy areas and canopy trees, toward the center of campus where I knew I’d find the bookstore. I was breathing it all in, feeling nostalgic and at home and wishing I was in school again while I walked along the solitary quiet paths. Not wanting to walk too far out of my way because I am not 19 anymore and I only had an hour on the meter, I asked another student where the bookstore was and he pointed toward another path, told me to turn left at the Breezeway, and look for Starbucks. The bookstore was right next to Starbucks. Starbucks. Well, of course.

After another five minutes of walking, I found it – the Breezeway. Holy cow! What a Breezeway it was! No longer on my quiet concrete path among the trees, I was now engulfed in a zillion students making their way up and down the Breezeway. I was suddenly the obviously middle-aged mom among these teens and early 20-somethings with earbuds plugged into their iPhones, Jansport backpacks, Michael Kors purses, and confidence in their step. Music was piping through built-in speakers that dotted the Breezeway – current music of this generation, not too loud, not too heavy, just nice.

photo (22)On my way to the bookstore, I walked by or saw signs pointing to Subway, Papa John’s, a convenience store, Einstein Bros Bagels, a print shop, Dunkin Donuts, Wendy’s, a barber shop, a movie theater, a juice bar, an art gallery, a sports bar and billiards place with craft brews, a sushi restaurant…. whaaaat??

Times have changed.

I went to a state school in Tampa and, although it was in the ’80s, it wasn’t that long ago! My campus experience, outside of my girls-only dorm building, included an on-campus branch of the credit union for those all-important incoming parental deposits, and a small stadium where our beloved basketball team played (we didn’t have a football team at that time) and where “Kool and the Gang” came to perform in a much-anticipated concert. The centerpiece of our campus, however, was the Student Center: the catch-all nurse’s office, registration office (where our Social Security numbers served as our student ID numbers), and activity center in the basement where I taught paper-making as part of my work/study financial aid deal.

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Our nemesis at the library.

We stood in line at the Student Center to register for classes, pay fees, and to get/give any and all school-related paperwork, IDs, library cards, etc. We had no online conveniences, and we had no franchised stores, coffeehouses, breweries, barber shops. Nothing. We didn’t have smart phones to plug earbuds into or piped-in music serenading our walks from building to building. We actually had to go to the library and navigate rows and rows of shelves and call numbers to find books for our research, then sit there for hours and write notes till our hand cramped up. We used typewriters, correction fluid, cursive writing. Our backpacks were filled with very expensive and heavy text books, not one simple, skinny iPad downloaded with electronic books, PowerPoints, and PDFs. Our main mode of transportation was the bicycle. There were bike racks all over the place.

We either cooked our meals in the one kitchen in the dorm shared by everyone on that particular floor, or we ventured to the building next door where the cafeteria served us our meal-plan meals during set hours. Or, sometimes, most times, if we didn’t feel like cooking or if we missed our window of opportunity next door, we just didn’t eat. No big deal. My roommate and I made a weekly pilgrimage to the off-campus grocery store to stock up on whatever our $10 budgets would buy us, usually mac and cheese, bread, jelly. There was actually an entire aisle at the grocery store dedicated to generic products, and that was where we carefully madePay Phone costume 2015 (44) our selections and spent our entire budgets. When I’d go home for a weekend, my mom would let me raid the kitchen cabinets and take whatever I wanted to stock up my own dorm-room supply of food with. Her mailed care packages in between my trips home always included canned tuna and peanut butter because she feared I wasn’t getting enough protein.

To call home, at scheduled times so that the call would not be missed, we used the two dorm payphones in the hallway by the kitchen, corded phones that took coins; we sat on plastic chairs that were permanently parked in front of the phones and had zero privacy. Otherwise, we’d write letters, stamp and mail them, then anxiously wait a week or so for the reply letter to come, love letters from home that usually included extra spending money.

Now I go online and replenish my son’s “Owl Card” so that he can swipe his way through Starbucks and the bagel shop between classes. I help him figure his schedule each semester when he registers for classes online, and I take him to an off-campus supply store where most of his “book” purchases are actually just a card with an access code to download the virtual textbook onto his school-provided iPad, or to access a classroom portal. He parks his car with his blue permit in one of the many overflowing student parking lots, then pulls his skateboard out of his trunk and quickly and easily maneuvers his way from car to classes and back again.

He uses his smart phone to call, text, take pictures, listen to music, Google things, and watch YouTube. He does study at the library but in the modern way via online research, not via card-catalogued books and microfiche. His writing assignments are auto spell-checked, auto-formatted, and submitted online, not hand-delivered after painstakingly being typed up

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The must-have IBM Selectric Typewriter. Remember?

on a typewriter (which usually took most of the night, some tears, and a ream of paper). His communication with his professors is done through email, not by set-in-advance appointments that always started with a wait in a stale fabric chair in the hallway outside of the prof’s office door.

I finally made it into the bookstore, browsed a little, then quickly found the hoodie and stocking stuffers that Santa sent me there for. As I stood in line to pay, I took in all of these contemporary college-life conveniences and studied these young college kids on their way to their bright futures. I smiled to myself, knowing that although these kids have it pretty good and they don’t even know it, I would not change my ’80’s college experience for anything!

 

What was lovely about Wednesday: After my forage into the depths of the campus, I drove over to the car line and picked up my ninth-grader. The drive home included a lesson on emperors, empresses, concubines and other such things that would be learned about in an ancient history classroom lecture. History is neither my cup of tea nor my strong point, but my son’s enthusiasm and gusto in repeating history to me was the most entertaining part of the day!

Six Life Lessons I’ve Learned From Two Little Girls

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When I first laid eyes on Teneka and Khloe, it was love at first sight. Khloe was a tiny swaddle of a sleeping newborn, and Teneka was an adorable, smiley five-year-old with enough energy for all of us. Teneka and Khloe were accompanying their mom, Nicola, who had come by to take a look at a cute little house that we were in the process of cleaning, painting, and sprucing up for rent.  Nicola loved the house, we loved her and her girls, and it was a match made in heaven.

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Happy, pretty girls

That was five years ago and its still a match made in heaven, but even better than that. Lucky me. I’ve watched Khloe grow up into a spirited, happy five-year-old, and I’ve watched Teneka mature into a smart and curious pre-teen, little girls who still come running when I pull into their driveway. I now have two special girls in my life who, if they had it their way, would have us hanging out together every weekend. They think I’m the coolest thing ever. (ha ha If they only knew.) I don’t see them as often as I would like to or as often as I should, but when I do, I quickly remember how lucky I am to have them and make a promise to myself to hang out with them more often.

They are actually the coolest things ever!  By watching these girls just naturally being their beautiful little selves, I’ve realized that they have taught me so much – and they don’t even know it!

Life, according to Teneka and Khloe:

Smile. Just smile all the time. Teneka and Khloe are always smiling. Always. They have smiling eyes and smiling faces. They must be really happy on the inside to always be smiling on the outside. I would like to have an always-smiling face like Teneka’s and Khloe’s.

Accept disappointment and move on. Fast. A few years ago, during the holidays, we were in a plaza and there was the man in all of his glory – SANTA! All little believers make a beeline to Santa, and Teneka and Khloe were no exception. However, the line was at least an hour long and we didn’t have the time to stand in it. I could see the disappointment written all over their little faces. I was disappointed, too. I held my breath, expecting tears and a little bargaining. Instead, they quickly recovered when they understood that we couldn’t wait in line, and we moved on. No crying, no anger, no pleading.  Just an accepting, “Okay”. That was easy. (Whew!) If lightning-speed acceptance of disappointments is a virtue, I’d like to have that one!

If you don’t know how to do it, just pretend! We came across a hula-hoop competition for kids once. Teneka jumped right in and went to town. She was good! And she looked good doing it, too! Hula hoops and happy girls seem to go hand-in-hand. It was fun to watch. Then Khloe tried to hula hoop. Tried. Being a tiny three-year-old, Khloe didn’t have enough to her to make her cute little twirling self actually come into contact with the plastic ring of the hula hoop, and the hula hoop would just fall to the ground. So big sister Teneka quickly came to her rescue by holding the hula hoop still at Khloe’s waist height. Khloe then laughed and laughed while she faked her hula hooping skills and had her own little dance party inside of a much-too-large, stationary hula hoop, held in place by her intuitive sister. I learned from a three-year-old and an eight-year-old that improvisation and adaptation can fix just about anything.

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Sweet sisters

Just break out into song when you feel like it. We were at the movies, a rated G, animated film, Hotel Transylvania. I secretly thought I’d have to suffer through it, but it was actually quite enjoyable and had a great message about acceptance. The soundtrack is what I didn’t understand, though. It contained very current songs that are not on my “70s on 7” or classic rock playlists. However, Teneka and Khloe knew every single song. Every. Single. One. I was impressed! They would squeak with delight when one of their favorites came on and immediately break out into song, singing very much out loud (which is okay when you’re in theater full of not-so-quiet small children, I suppose). Their very loud singing was accompanied by very spunky dancing in their movie theater seats. It was hilarious! I enjoyed watching them sing and dance even more than I enjoyed watching the movie. The best part is: They are REALLY good singers and dancers! Teneka has the moves and the voice, for sure. Khloe loves “Annie” with all her heart and has demonstrated her “Annie” singing and dance moves to me in her driveway more than once.  It wouldn’t surprise me if these sisters grew up to be very talented Broadway stars. What I learned that day in the movie theater from these two little girls is to not be so inhibited. Sing and dance like nobody’s looking, and just be joyful!

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Lip-glossed super model, Khloe

Have confidence. We were at the park. After swinging in the swings, climbing around in the obstacle course, sliding down the slide, and Khloe “driving” me to the pretend candy shop in the fake car, Khloe sat next to me on a bench and asked me if she could see my “looking mirror”. Hmmm. So I learned very quickly that a “looking mirror” is my cell phone camera turned to selfie mode. Looking mirror. Brilliant. Khloe then took my phone into her little hands and started posing into her looking mirror like a super model. After clicking about 10 pictures of herself, she asked me if she could wear my lip gloss. Of course. With peachy pink lip gloss in place, she then took about another 40 pictures of herself, each with a different pose. She was so happy in her own little world, doing her own thing. It takes confidence to do that, especially out in public. Go, Khloe! May we all someday come into the confidence that you wear so easily.

It’s the little things that count. Teneka insisted that it would be okay with her mom if I let her get fake nails, and Khloe chimed in her agreement. They said they’re allowed to put on fake nails as long as they do it in the backyard, and the Dollar Store up the street has their favorite ones. So off we went. They each picked out their favorite nail designs, and then, girls being girls, we had to browse. Notebooks, pencils, coloring books, crayons, a Frozen Olaf bracelet, a pink plastic tiara, and of course, the beloved press-on nails brought oodles and oodles of happiness to these two sisters. And to me. Yes, shopping is fun when you’re a girl, but sharing in

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Girly girls are always pretty in pink

picking out the perfect coloring book (Disney princess or Hello Kitty?) and seeing the delight in their faces when leaving the store with their new nails and other new treasures trumps everything. That day, I learned from Teneka and Khloe to slow down and take pleasure in the little things, to live in the moment.

I hope the day never comes that these two special little girls decide (or find out) that I’m not cool enough to hang out with anymore.

What was lovely about today: I ran over to Nicola’s house after dinner today to show her this story and ask permission from her and Terence, the girls’ dad, to publish it on my blog. The reaction from her and Terence and the two girls was priceless. Their smiles were pure sunshine as they read the story. When we were hugging, Nicola whispered that she’s so lucky to have me. No, Nicola, I’m the lucky one. Nicola and her family are extra special. Their smiles are what was lovely about today.

I’m Not Smarter Than My 9th-Grader: Things I Learn on the Drive Home From School

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I was idling in the car line on a Friday afternoon at my then 6th-grader’s middle school when my little bundle of joy bounced into the car and excitedly announced, “Guess what, Mom! I’m a Sexpert!”

Oh. My. “What’s a Sexpert, Nick,” I asked, trying not to look too concerned.

“I got an A on my test today, so my teacher said that if you get an A, you’re a Sexpert,” he answered, quite pleased with his new designation. “I’m a Sexpert!”gender-symbol-300x299 copy

That Friday was the end of the week of sex education. For sixth graders. Boys and girls together in the same room. In the beginning of the week, the teacher had the kids repeat, out loud, “penis, penis, penis” and “vagina, vagina, vagina” till they got all the pre-teen giggles out.  I would have loved to have been a fly on that wall. By the end of the week, the kids had apparently learned all they will ever need to know about sex. I imagine that their attention spans were in high gear and their listening skills were super sharp for this particular subject matter, because all of them were deemed Sexperts on Friday.

Jump forward to today, three years later. Nick is now in high school but I still get the pleasure of sitting in the car line to pick him up from school a few times a week. His baby voice has gone deep and he’s taller than me now, but, always, he surprises and delights me with his insights, announcements, and humorous banter.

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We hadn’t even driven off campus yet when Steve Miller’s song,  “Fly Like an Eagle” came on the radio. Nick likes classic rock and knows his stuff, but I didn’t think that he knew about Steve Miller.  “That’s Steve Miller,” I said, picturing the album cover in my head as my memories took me back to my record player in our wood-paneled basement of days gone by.

“Yeah, Mom. I know that. That’s an example of a transcendental song.”

Oh. Hmmmm. What?? I don’t even really know what the word “transcendental” means or how it would relate to Steve Miller. My head was spinning as I grappled for some sort of intelligent reply. However, my lack of verbal response must have cued Nick that I was clueless, so he took it upon himself to explain the theory to me.

Transcendentalists don’t want to rush through life, and the “Time keeps on slipping, slipping” lyric is representative of that. The “I’m going to fly like an eagle” lyric represents nature, which transcendentalism believes is godly. Transcendentalists are individualistic and independent thinkers.

Oh this was getting deep. I was fascinated and amused at the same time.

Then, in the next breath, Nick goes, “Mom. A rectangle and a square are the same thing. Did you know that?”18567_104376559585608_3826273_n

“No, Nick. I did not know that. How so?”

The rest of the drive home left him time to explain to me that each are made of right angles…..

And so it goes. With each afternoon drive home from school, I seem to learn something new from my 15-year-old. When my 17-year-old is in the car, too – well, forget it. I listen, but I can’t even participate in their conversations that involve math, gaming, biology, annotating. I understand the conversations about dinner, movies, dogs, taking the garbage out. Simple mom stuff, not complicated high school stuff.

As parents, we’re usually the ones in the teaching role. How cool it is to watch my sons mature into young men with distinct personalities and goals, brothers who bounce things off of each other, debate, converse, teach, learn, and are making their way into adulthood together, one grade at a time. Suddenly, they’re out of diapers and we’re driving home from high school, and they’re teaching me things I never knew I needed to know: Lessons for academia, and lessons for the heart and soul.

What was lovely about today: Today was all about the steady drizzle of rain. Driving home from school in it, cooking dinner, fooling around on my computer, kids doing homework, dogs napping, all to the soft beat of the rain against the windows. What a quiet evening, peaceful, calm. The rain felt lovely today.