Tag Archives: Family

Dec23

The True Gifts of Christmas: Family, Friends & Memories

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So many great things happened today, all in ONE day, that all of a sudden the true meaning of Christmas smacked me square in the face. It was fabulous feeling to know how blessed and lucky I am, and so overwhelming that it suddenly stopped me in my tracks. Not that I’m not aware of or don’t appreciate my blessings, but suddenly it just hit me. I was presented with the BEST gifts ever – and the givers didn’t even realize that they gave me a gift, and they certainly then didn’t realize the magnitude of their gifts!santa

First, at 10:30 this morning, a girlfriends’ group text came in wanting to know if anyone was available to meet for lunch at 12:30. Surprisingly, five of us were. And we did. It was the best lunch ever. With work schedules, kids, Christmas bustle and the like, it was a small miracle that an impromptu text had us gathered together two hours later. We couldn’t have done that if we tried. And then there we sat, long after the lunch plates were removed and the drink glasses were drained, and we talked and talked and enjoyed. We really caught up with each other.

With all of us having Seniors in high school on the verge of big college plans and diverse and exciting visions for themselves, we reminisced about our own plans and dreams that we had at that age. We learned that each of us moms has regrets that we didn’t follow our own dreams, didn’t become who we thought we would when we were embarking on our own college years. Had we followed our dreams, we would have been two lawyers, two nurses, and a movie star lunching around that table. But all of a sudden, we’re in our 50s and it seems that those dashed dreams are now just something that we talk about with our middle-aged girlfriends over lunch.

However, since we’ve known each other and each other’s children since the kids were in Kindergarten, it has been wonderful to watch our little bundles of joy grow, mature, and become young adult achievers. It’s exciting to see where our kids’ dreams will take them. We’re like a group of cheerleader moms, now watching and guiding our kids from the sidelines as they make important life decisions for themselves and blossom into adulthood, with each of us genuinely rooting for the others’ kid as much as we root for our own.

But better yet, it’s so easy to be 50-something with a small group of terrific women who aren’t embarrassed to share broken dreams, parenting faults, and fears and cautious hopes for ourselves and for our children. It’s refreshing to have honest friends. We don’t judge. We rally, encourage, love, and laugh.

Today, we found out that each of us still has the dreams and ideals of our 18-year-old selves simmering inside. With our own children almost ready to fly the coop, we realized after sharing our innermost thoughts that we can modify our long-forgotten dreams, make new goals for ourselves, find a new kind of fulfillment. I left our lunch date today with a precious, uplifting, motivational gift from these girlfriends, and they don’t even know that they gave me this gift. Or maybe they do – because I have a sneaking suspicion that they left with the same gift. : )

img_6419When I got home, the mail had been delivered. Among the junk mail flyers, sale ads, and solicitations for car insurance was a small package from my aunt. I carefully opened the package because I knew that it held precious cargo. Inside was a blue and green plaid jumper with a white shirt that my brother wore almost 50 years ago! This outfit was passed on to our younger boy cousins when my brothers outgrew it back in the ’70s, and who knew that my aunt had lovingly cared for and saved this outfit for all of these years! On my brother’s 48th birthday last month, I had posted on Facebook a picture of him (wearing this outfit) from 1969. To my surprise and delight, my aunt saw the post and told me that she still had that outfit and wondered if I would like to have it. So now here it was, right there on my kitchen counter all these years later! Someday, when and if my sons have sons, I will have my grandson(s) wear it.

I am so thankful for my aunt, that she is sentimental and sweet, that she provided this throwback to me. I was only four when my brother wore that outfit, but our mom had had Olan Mills portraits taken of her babies when we were each eight months old – and my brother was wearing the blue and green plaid jumper in his portrait. Mom eventually had the four portraits professionally matted into one elegant frame. She hung it proudly on the wall in her bedroom for most of my life, and it now hangs in my own hallway.

By opening this package with the plaid jumper and white collared shirt inside, my aunt immediately sent me back in time to my childhood, to my mom, to my siblings and the house that we grew up in, to a time that makes me feel so happy to recollect. Time flies so fast, but for a moment, my little-girl memories came flooding back. I closed my eyes and embraced them, drank them in. Happiness.

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The framed portraits of her four babies that Mom displayed so proudly.

Also in the mail was a Christmas card with a return address from the vicinity of my hometown, 1200 miles away in Pittsburgh. It was from a gracious and lovely cousin in our large, extended Italian family. It’s always a feel-good feeling to be remembered and I was grateful to have received the card. However, what was inside went straight to my heart. Along with a save-the-date for next summer’s family reunion, she wrote one simple sentence that meant everything to me: “Loved your Facebook posting at Thanksgiving dedicated to your mom. So sweet!”.

My mom, gone 17 years now, was loved by everyone. I had written a post about our last Thanksgiving together, bittersweet, as her cancerous body was failing her. Knowing that she’s in others’ hearts and minds means the world to me. Knowing that my writing is aiding in keeping Mom’s memory alive is the most rewarding thing ever. I miss my mom so much, and to have her mentioned, remembered, and missed by others too is such a gift to me. I carry my mom in my heart every single day and I can’t even explain how amazing it feels to know that others also carry her still. Along with their own beloved moms, they have room for mine.

That one simple sentence inside this Christmas card just stopped me in my tracks. Standing there in the kitchen, so thankful for those words, then smiling again at the baby outfit from long ago sent by my sweet aunt, and pumped from the spontaneous and uplifting lunch date with my girlfriends that I had just come home from, it suddenly became so clear to me that I had just received my Christmas presents. No need for Santa to come down my chimney on Christmas Eve. I had just experienced the true gifts and real meaning of Christmas: Friendship, family, and memories.

What was lovely about today: The gifts I received today are what was lovely about today. And….driving home,  James Taylor’s and Carly Simon’s catchy version of “Mockingbird” came on the radio. It’s much faster and more flashy than the lullaby rendition that I used to sing to my newborn sons, but a total pleasure to hear and sing along with. So after the long conversation over lunch with my girlfriends about our Seniors’ college paths, it was nice to go back to when my Senior son was tiny enough to fit in the crook of my arm, a precious little six-pounder whom I had so many hopes and dreams for. He is everything I hoped and dreamed he would be.

Nov23

Six Life Lessons I’ve Learned From Two Little Girls

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When I first laid eyes on Teneka and Khloe, it was love at first sight. Khloe was a tiny swaddle of a sleeping newborn, and Teneka was an adorable, smiley five-year-old with enough energy for all of us. Teneka and Khloe were accompanying their mom, Nicola, who had come by to take a look at a cute little house that we were in the process of cleaning, painting, and sprucing up for rent.  Nicola loved the house, we loved her and her girls, and it was a match made in heaven.

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Happy, pretty girls

That was five years ago and its still a match made in heaven, but even better than that. Lucky me. I’ve watched Khloe grow up into a spirited, happy five-year-old, and I’ve watched Teneka mature into a smart and curious pre-teen, little girls who still come running when I pull into their driveway. I now have two special girls in my life who, if they had it their way, would have us hanging out together every weekend. They think I’m the coolest thing ever. (ha ha If they only knew.) I don’t see them as often as I would like to or as often as I should, but when I do, I quickly remember how lucky I am to have them and make a promise to myself to hang out with them more often.

They are actually the coolest things ever!  By watching these girls just naturally being their beautiful little selves, I’ve realized that they have taught me so much – and they don’t even know it!

Life, according to Teneka and Khloe:

Smile. Just smile all the time. Teneka and Khloe are always smiling. Always. They have smiling eyes and smiling faces. They must be really happy on the inside to always be smiling on the outside. I would like to have an always-smiling face like Teneka’s and Khloe’s.

Accept disappointment and move on. Fast. A few years ago, during the holidays, we were in a plaza and there was the man in all of his glory – SANTA! All little believers make a beeline to Santa, and Teneka and Khloe were no exception. However, the line was at least an hour long and we didn’t have the time to stand in it. I could see the disappointment written all over their little faces. I was disappointed, too. I held my breath, expecting tears and a little bargaining. Instead, they quickly recovered when they understood that we couldn’t wait in line, and we moved on. No crying, no anger, no pleading.  Just an accepting, “Okay”. That was easy. (Whew!) If lightning-speed acceptance of disappointments is a virtue, I’d like to have that one!

If you don’t know how to do it, just pretend! We came across a hula-hoop competition for kids once. Teneka jumped right in and went to town. She was good! And she looked good doing it, too! Hula hoops and happy girls seem to go hand-in-hand. It was fun to watch. Then Khloe tried to hula hoop. Tried. Being a tiny three-year-old, Khloe didn’t have enough to her to make her cute little twirling self actually come into contact with the plastic ring of the hula hoop, and the hula hoop would just fall to the ground. So big sister Teneka quickly came to her rescue by holding the hula hoop still at Khloe’s waist height. Khloe then laughed and laughed while she faked her hula hooping skills and had her own little dance party inside of a much-too-large, stationary hula hoop, held in place by her intuitive sister. I learned from a three-year-old and an eight-year-old that improvisation and adaptation can fix just about anything.

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Sweet sisters

Just break out into song when you feel like it. We were at the movies, a rated G, animated film, Hotel Transylvania. I secretly thought I’d have to suffer through it, but it was actually quite enjoyable and had a great message about acceptance. The soundtrack is what I didn’t understand, though. It contained very current songs that are not on my “70s on 7” or classic rock playlists. However, Teneka and Khloe knew every single song. Every. Single. One. I was impressed! They would squeak with delight when one of their favorites came on and immediately break out into song, singing very much out loud (which is okay when you’re in theater full of not-so-quiet small children, I suppose). Their very loud singing was accompanied by very spunky dancing in their movie theater seats. It was hilarious! I enjoyed watching them sing and dance even more than I enjoyed watching the movie. The best part is: They are REALLY good singers and dancers! Teneka has the moves and the voice, for sure. Khloe loves “Annie” with all her heart and has demonstrated her “Annie” singing and dance moves to me in her driveway more than once.  It wouldn’t surprise me if these sisters grew up to be very talented Broadway stars. What I learned that day in the movie theater from these two little girls is to not be so inhibited. Sing and dance like nobody’s looking, and just be joyful!

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Lip-glossed super model, Khloe

Have confidence. We were at the park. After swinging in the swings, climbing around in the obstacle course, sliding down the slide, and Khloe “driving” me to the pretend candy shop in the fake car, Khloe sat next to me on a bench and asked me if she could see my “looking mirror”. Hmmm. So I learned very quickly that a “looking mirror” is my cell phone camera turned to selfie mode. Looking mirror. Brilliant. Khloe then took my phone into her little hands and started posing into her looking mirror like a super model. After clicking about 10 pictures of herself, she asked me if she could wear my lip gloss. Of course. With peachy pink lip gloss in place, she then took about another 40 pictures of herself, each with a different pose. She was so happy in her own little world, doing her own thing. It takes confidence to do that, especially out in public. Go, Khloe! May we all someday come into the confidence that you wear so easily.

It’s the little things that count. Teneka insisted that it would be okay with her mom if I let her get fake nails, and Khloe chimed in her agreement. They said they’re allowed to put on fake nails as long as they do it in the backyard, and the Dollar Store up the street has their favorite ones. So off we went. They each picked out their favorite nail designs, and then, girls being girls, we had to browse. Notebooks, pencils, coloring books, crayons, a Frozen Olaf bracelet, a pink plastic tiara, and of course, the beloved press-on nails brought oodles and oodles of happiness to these two sisters. And to me. Yes, shopping is fun when you’re a girl, but sharing in

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Girly girls are always pretty in pink

picking out the perfect coloring book (Disney princess or Hello Kitty?) and seeing the delight in their faces when leaving the store with their new nails and other new treasures trumps everything. That day, I learned from Teneka and Khloe to slow down and take pleasure in the little things, to live in the moment.

I hope the day never comes that these two special little girls decide (or find out) that I’m not cool enough to hang out with anymore.

What was lovely about today: I ran over to Nicola’s house after dinner today to show her this story and ask permission from her and Terence, the girls’ dad, to publish it on my blog. The reaction from her and Terence and the two girls was priceless. Their smiles were pure sunshine as they read the story. When we were hugging, Nicola whispered that she’s so lucky to have me. No, Nicola, I’m the lucky one. Nicola and her family are extra special. Their smiles are what was lovely about today.