As my oldest begins his last year of high school and was getting outfitted and groomed to sit for his Senior pictures, I couldn’t help but take a look back at my 1983 Senior yearbook, Flame ’83, and my own Senior picture of me with a soft pink cashmere sweater, dainty earrings, and a ….. mullet. Yes. A mullet. Ha ha. No more words are needed here.

Inside the back cover of my yearbook is a handwritten letter from my BFF, penned when we were barely 18. That was a long time ago as we are now early 50-somethings. In my BFF’s letter to me, she wrote: “I wonder what’s gonna happen to us in the future. I think we’ll both be rich with kids and big houses and we’ll always party together. You know stay up late to all hours of the night talking and talking (with a bottle of wine)…”

Her foresight wasn’t that far off. We are both rich (not the money kind of rich, but the blessings kind of rich) with kids, houses, and wine. She was a little off thinking that we would (or even could) stay up till all hours of the night drinking wine. For example, about four years ago, we both flew to Chicago from our respective homes, 1,200 miles apart, to spend a weekend with her “little” sister, who is just 10 years younger than us. Upon our 9:00 Friday night arrival, Little Sister wanted to take us to a club. With secret sideways glances at each other, we declined – and were SO happy instead to homestead on the couch in Little Sister’s gorgeous urban condo. There we sat, in our favorite pajamas, catching up on life over wine and cheese and chocolates. We lasted no later than the 11:00 news.

My friendship with my BFF spans many decades of tears and laughter, schooling, funerals, engagements, weddings, divorce, baptisms, vacations, parenting. You name it and we’ve been through it together, always knowing that the other is there to help us through to the other side, good or bad, regardless of time, distance, or circumstance. This is the beauty of a genuine friendship, one that is comfortable, trusting, true, natural, honest, essential.

And it is only one of many, many forms of friendship.

I have super dear friends that I’ve known my whole life, since kindergarten, and thanks to Facebook, it is easy to stay in touch with these golden friends. It’s comforting to know that there are people in our lives who go way, way back with us, who share some of our same story. We may not be as close on the surface, but it goes unsaid that if there was ever a need, we’d be there for each other in a heartbeat. We’re cut from the same kindergarten, elementary, junior high and high school childhood cloth, with most of our parents having been friends and graduating from the same schools that we went to, and some of our own children forging their own friendships in those same hallways.

I remember in first grade, there was a new girl who started school a week or two late because she had had her tonsils taken out. Our teacher, Mrs. Hubert, asked who wanted to be her friend. My hand shot up. “I do!” We were attached at the hip. We’ve been friends for 45 years, most of it at a distance now since I moved away from the area after high school graduation, but nonetheless her friendship means the world to me to this day and I know that we will always have each other’s backs. She was a huge part of my growing up years; we were two little girly girls who blossomed together and found our way into adulthood, side by side, through thick and thin, always together. And lucky me! Through her, I gained another mom and a “younger sister” who I still adore all these years later.

There are friends who we meet through spouses or recreational activities, and the friends who we meet through our siblings and other friends. These friendships are awesome because there are no expectations when you first meet, yet sometimes you just quickly know that you’re meant to be friends, and the friendship develops and grows, transcending and enhancing the original connection. The bond between women can be fast and undeniable and I love when this happens.

Then there are the friendships forged through the dating and college years, the neighbor friends, the work friends, those whom you instantly connect with and never let go of. My first job out of college was at a Florida newspaper, in the Art Department. I was like a fish out of water, having never worked full time before and still learning to act and dress like a career woman with goals, not a freedom-loving, flip-flop-wearing college girl fresh out of her campus dorm. Then I met her, a co-worker who was about a year older and more experienced than me. We clicked instantly. Instantly. She quietly took me under her wing and showed me the departmental ropes while she simultaneously educated me on the silly antics of the fun and funky department, and 30 years later we still laugh and celebrate together, we still depend on each other, and I know that she (and her hubby) will always be an important part of my life. Plus, both of their moms love me. : )

I love that my mom loved and enjoyed my friends as much as I do. And I love that my friends’ moms love me like I’m one of their own daughters. In fact, my BFF’s mom writes me a “love” letter every Christmas. She lifts me up and tells me how proud she is of me and my boys, and signs it “I love you, MomRita”. I feel fortunate that I have so many moms looking after me. It’s a really good feeling, especially since they knew my own mother and they were equally happy that my mom treated their daughters like one of her own. It’s a lovely circle to be a part of, protective.

When I became a parent, I then gained another great group of local friends – especially when my oldest started school. I met my core group of martini-drinking girlfriends at orientation, when all of our firstborns were starting kindergarten. Sometimes you just click, and we just did. Thirteen years later, we still plan girls’ nights out, happy hour get-togethers, lunch dates, and Pokeno house parties, but now with no need to worry about babysitters, the time, or having to get up super early with young children as our children are now young adults who are trying out their fledgling wings. Freedom!! (For us moms, I mean!) I really enjoy my girlfriends and I’m grateful to have them in my life. Each of us knows that with one text message or one phone call, a problem can be solved, a question can be answered, or a get-together can be planned. I especially appreciate that each of us has different strengths and weaknesses. We know how to draw on the best of each other in the good times – and how to rally together in the broken-wing times. It is reassuring and great fun to have a small group of strong, wonderful, devoted women who are lovingly invested with me in our journey through parenting, friendship, and adulthood shenanigans! I don’t know what I’d do without their warmth and steadfast love.

On the flip side, I’ve learned that not all friendships are true. This was an especially painful (and fairly recent) lesson as I really thought that I was a pretty good judge of character. In a nutshell, I held a management position within a European company that was just getting established in the U.S.; hence, we were all new employees. I thought that I had made some really solid, sincere new friendships from the very start with a few interesting and smart women who I seemed to have much in common with, from parenthood to travel to taste in shoes. I enjoyed them and really felt like solid bonds were being built. However, upon my resignation from the company, I was dropped like a hot potato by a few of my new friends. What I came to realize was that I was no longer of use to them in their apparent quest to move up the company ladder, of which I had partial authority in the promotions to be made. I slowly understood then, after months of unanswered emails, phone calls, and lack of further interest in me, that the friendship was not honest. It was a very hurtful realization. However, I grew from the experience, and I did gain some valuable and sincere friendships (male and female) from my time there, so I’m sure the old saying that “everything happens for a reason” is true.

Times like this are when I lean on my true blues – my girlfriends who love me all of the time, no matter what, through thick and thin. That’s what I love about my friends – all of them: Near or far, gold or silver. Their friendship is unconditional, a source of strength, and a huge source of joy. We all need friends and I truly appreciate every single one of mine. Every one of them is different and beautiful in her own way, and each adds her own special and unique layer to my life that I wouldn’t otherwise have. Lucky, lucky me!

What was lovely about today: My BFF who wrote in my yearbook when we were barely 18, texted a picture to me of her own daughter, barely 18, beautifully dressed up for Homecoming. Thanks to technology, our thoughts, daily silliness, and moments meant for celebration are instantly conveyed, even though we’re 1,200 miles apart. What was lovely about today was sharing in her motherhood joy as she sent her teen out into the evening world on high school Homecoming night, knowing that her daughter felt beautiful and confident and ready for this rite of passage. It’s not just that she shared it with me, but I genuinely felt the joy and pride of seeing my BFF’s daughter in the same light as her own mother sees her. That’s what a lifetime of friendship can do.